Project Kathan

Adithi, Kannur

Conversation through Voice notes (WhatsApp), February 2, 2025

This was when I was studying in undergrad, I was studying in University of Karnataka Gulburga. And in case you don’t know, Gulbarga is in the Hyderabad, Karnataka region. So, it’s in a very northern part of Karnataka. And my option of travelling was to take a sleeper bus from Gulbarga to Mangalore and then take a train from there. There were no regular trains from Gulbarga coming to the northern part of Kerala. I think it was a very last-minute plan because I was not going with my regular travel service.

I usually prefer VRL buses, but I had to rely on something very local called Ganesh. I get on the bus, and obviously since I am scared of long travels and the issue of peeing, I always make sure I pee right before I start my travel. And usually these buses have minimum of 2 restroom stops in between. My boyfriend of the time was also there with me. He had come to visit me. He stays in Bangalore. So, we boarded the bus and we thought that around 11 or something, we usually stop for food and a restroom break.  And around 9:30 or something, I started feeling my urge to pee.

I really wanted to go to a washroom and I was like it’s fine, till 11o o’clock, I can manage. So, I started holding it in, and I was doing every trick in the book not to pee. But then I was like, see, it’s just 1 and 1/2 hours. I just need to hold for 1 and 1/2 hours.  And then they stopped for food.

They stopped for food at a dhaba with no washrooms. And they said this is a food and restroom break. And I was like, where is the restroom? The men were peeing in the fields.  And the women were asked to just do the same thing. And some of the women actually did pee in the bushes and everything. And I was like, I am not going to do this shit. And this was like, on the opposite side of the road from the dhaba; a no man’s land kind of situation. It’s a stretch of fields where men are peeing into random trees and crops.

Women are also going in between the crops and finding some space and peeing there. I was very scared, and there was no light, it was not pretty much lit. And my boyfriend was like, “see, if you really want to pee you go and you have to pee”. I was like, “No.. see, there is supposed to be one more break around Hubli that will be around 1:00 or 2:00 AM. I can hold it till then”.  And that was my bad. I actually thought I could, and I did. But the problem was that at Hubli also, they stopped in a place like this. There was no washroom. And it was in the middle of the town. That was like a town kind of place. It was not even like a village where there was a field or anything. And the men obviously were peeing around, you know, random walls. And I had no place to pee. And I asked the conductor also, I was like, “I really need to pee. Where do I go?” By now I’ve been holding in my pee from 9:30. I did not even drink or eat anything because I was scared of making it worse.

And I was told that, “Ma’am Abhi toh, we can’t do anything. You should have peed when we had stopped in front of the fields. Now you can’t pee here”. I was like, “See, do something because I really need to pee. If you find some hotel on the way, can you please stop? I’ll pay you extra”. They’re like, “no, ma’am, it’s just washroom na.. You keep holding it. We’ll reach Mangalore by 5 o’clock, six o’clock anyway”. And I didn’t have the energy to fight anymore. My boyfriend was also scared of fighting these people in the middle of nowhere in the northern part of Karnataka. So we’re like, Ok, fine, we’ll hold it in. And I held it in till 6:30 AM because the bus got late by 1 and 1/2 hours and we reached Mangalore. Now the problem was at 6:30 AM when we reached the dropping point, there were no washrooms around. And we both are not very familiar with Mangalore.

This was a transit place for us. So, the only place we know is that, you know, the railway station 1.5 kilometers, 2 kilometers from here. Let’s take a rickshaw, go to the railway station, and then there we’ll pee.

So, this has been going on from the previous night, 9:30 AM. And I am trying my best to hold in my pee. And there’s a rickshaw driver who takes us to the railway station, and very unusual- I’ve never seen this before- but there was a traffic block around 6:30 in the morning, and it took a painfully long time to reach the railway station. After we reached the railway station, by the time we paid the auto guy, we turned and while we were entering..   I peed in my pants.

I was there, a 19-year-old girl peeing my pants in front of a whole crowd at railway station. Of course, I was embarrassed, definitely. But then I pretended that I had some kind of serious sickness throughout the time I was waiting for my train, and I went to the waiting rooms. I changed. I had to fish out clothes from my bag and then I had to change. I came back and I was pretty embarrassed, but also, I saw people who saw me pee in my pants, and I just pretended that I was some seriously sick or ill girl who couldn’t have bladder control.

And side note, I don’t have that bladder control anymore.

I think I had stressed it too much that after this, I can never hold this in for more than like 30 minutes.